


In All My Dreams I Drown

by Birooksun



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jericho Crew (Detroit: Become Human) as Family, Male-Female Friendship, Mentioned Markus (Detroit: Become Human), New Jericho (Detroit: Become Human), Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23391664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birooksun/pseuds/Birooksun
Summary: The war is over, but they're still picking up the pieces.Markus doesn't want to see how much everyone still hurts.Josh feels lost after so much death.Simon still can't forget what drove him to become deviant.North wakes up from nightmares of drowning in a sea of bodies.
Relationships: Josh & Markus & North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Josh & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Markus & North (Detroit: Become Human), Markus & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human)
Kudos: 14





	In All My Dreams I Drown

North’s hands shook as she pulled back the blanket. They didn’t need beds like humans but Markus insisted it helped to feel less like an object and more like a person. She’d do anything to feel like a person. She gave an involuntary shiver as she tried to shake off the feeling of hands on her skin. She left her bed behind as she walked around Jericho. 

_ Hello? _

_ Is anyone there? _

A few others passed her in the hall, some waving and greeting each other, others like her curled in on themselves and passing by in silence. Thankfully they were each given space to forget, space to remember. North walked up to the stained glass window and sat down in the window seat, her eyes tracing over the cracked formed in the glass through years of neglect and abuse. 

_ The ship, it swayed, heave ho, heave ho _

_ On the dark and stormy blue _

She curled up and rested her head on her knees. Staying as closed up as possible and struggling not to flinch when someone sat down across from her. “Nightmares again?” Simon asked as he looked out the window as well.

_ And I held tight to the Captain's might _

_ As he pulled up his trews _

North turned away, looking around to see only a few people scattered around. No one was paying attention to them. To her. “I’m fine.” Simon only looked at her, she gave a sigh. “Markus, he doesn’t understand.”

_ "You haven't slept," heave ho, he said _

_ "In many suns and moons" _

“Why does he need to understand? Was it hands or eyes this time?” Simon looked her over. She was hidden, but hadn’t locked herself away. Just- moved to where no one was near her. “Hands right? Felt like you were drowning in a sea of bodies? People pulling you down?” 

_ "Oh, I will sleep when we reach shore" _

_ "And pray we get there soon" _

“What do you know?” North snapped at Simon, her auburn hair spinning as she turned to him. “What the fuck do you know about what I’ve gone through? How I was- what happened to me?” She grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him as she yelled. “You weren’t raped constantly!”

  
  


_ He said, "Now hush love, here's your gown" _

_ "There's the bed, lantern's down" _

_ But I don't want to go to sleep; in all my dreams, I drown _

“Yes I was.” Three little words and North deflated, her face crumpling up as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Not by dozens of strangers. Not by people who rented and returned me. But by the people who bought me. By people who bought and then sold me to others like them.” She finally let go of his shoulders and slowly hugged him as she continued to cry. “We didn’t deserve what happened to us. I know that. You know that. Echo and Ripple know that. North, we are not alone.” 

_ The Captain howled "Heave ho, heave ho" _

_ And tied me up with sheets _

“But I feel so alone! I feel so angry and so- so-” She cut herself off as she buried her head in his neck and they held onto each other. “I try to tell Markus but I can’t get it out and he just tells me my past doesn’t define me.” She let go of him, rocking back and taking her place across from him in the seat again. “I try to be strong but-”

_ "A storm is brewing in the South" _

_ "It's time you go to sleep" _

“But it feels like you're alone. Like your drowning from the weight of your past and all you can do is hold your head above water?” North nodded. She stayed still, but still ready to bolt. Too afraid of being alone, too afraid of opening up and having to choose which evil to pick. If Simon were a kinder friend he wouldn’t push. He’d let her take her time. Let her open up in her own time, but he wasn’t.

_ His berth, it rocks, heave ho, heave ho _

_ The ocean gnashed and moaned _

She turned towards the window again, Simon wondered if it was easier to speak of the past if they weren’t looking at each other. “How do you handle it?” He almost wasn’t sure if she spoke or linked up with him, she spoke so softly. He watched her hand curl up and grip her jeans tightly. “How do you get up each day and look at yourself? How do you quiet the rage inside of you? You always wanted to pick the safest route. Never true pacifism, never as violent as me.”

_ Like Jonah we'll be swallowed whole _

_ And spat back teeth and bones _

Simon gave a small laugh as he shook his head. “Didn’t you notice? You’re not the only one up at 4am.” She gave a small smile at him. “It… helps that I ran away years ago. Time helped let the wounds heal. In the beginning I was a mess. I could barely function. I panicked and lashed out all the time. Finding others, helping others like me gave me a sense of purpose. I had to keep myself running to help others. It felt like a penance of sorts, but all this upheaval, all this change brought a few of the habits back.” Simon reached out, not touching North, but keeping his hand near her. “Being around someone you can trust helps. Josh helped me. I, or even We could help you.”

_ He said, "Now hush love, here's your gown" _

_ "There's the bed, lantern's down" _

_ "But I don't want to go to sleep; in all my dreams, I drown" _

North shook her head. “I don’t know how to help others. How to look past my own pain to see theirs.” She gave a sigh and curled up, pulling one leg tight against her chest. “I can’t be like you. I can’t lay myself bare to help others. I know I can’t be as kind and gentle as Josh, and Markus-”

_ "Captain! Captain! _

_ I will do your chores _

_ I will warm your cot at night _

_ And mop your cabin floors _

Simon cut her off, “Markus can still be an idealist. He claims the past doesn’t define us.That it’s behind us now. The war is over.” He gave a hollow laugh and shook his head. “We all love him, he’s great at motivating us to be stronger, I think he forgets that our pasts shaped us. Made us the broken androids we are today.” For a moment they just sat there, North curled up on herself and staring out the window; and Simon sitting next to her waiting. 

_ Scold me, hold me _

_ I'll be yours to keep _

_ The only thing I beg of you _

_ Don't make me go to sleep" _

He waited for another minute before making up his mind. “You’re not allowed to kill me for this.” North turned towards him, her eyes sharp and wary. Simon stood up and grabbed a hold of her wrists, pulling her up with him before pulling her into a tight hug. “I’m here for you North. I don’t care if you want my help or not. Josh is here for you, Markus is here for you. They might not completely understand, but their hearts are in the right place.” 

_ The sky it flashed, heave ho, heave ho _

_ His pillow tied to the brink _

_ The curtains ran between my legs as we began to sink _

North struggled against his arms, her small fists hitting his back as she tried to pull free. “I don’t need your pity.” She bit out, he pulled her tighter, his chin resting on her shoulder. She felt the tears well up again. “I don’t want pity.” He gently rubbed her back and she started to sob, the feeling of hands on her finally fading as she only felt his hands on her. “I don’t know what I want.”

_ I closed my eyes, heave ho, heave ho _

_ As the ship was rent and fell _

_ Eddies in the water headed to the mouth of Hell _

Simon closed his eyes as he held her, both of them now swaying gently as he let her cry. “Hush love, I’m here for you. You can let it all out.” They stayed there for a long time, other androids around them giving a wide berth. Those who noticed who it was, turned away and kept going. “I want to help you North. We’ll find a way to help you, to get the nightmares to at least settle down.” 

_ "Hush now, hush love, here's your gown" _

_ "There's the bed, lantern's down" _

_ "I'm begging you please wake me up _

_ In all my dreams I...." _

North nodded as they slowly backed away. “Thank you.” She gave a weak smile. “Maybe we should do late night group sessions.” 

Simon gave a laugh, “Find yourself awake at 4am and having a panic attack? Come to this room. We’re all having one!” They both laughed, ignoring the slightly hysterical edge to it. “We really should start looking into things like that. I mean, Echo and Ripple have each other to lean on, but I’m sure there are others who have gone through the same things and need someone to lean on as well.” 


End file.
